Who is in your child rearing village?

Nah! Like it or not, it really does take a village, folks!

While I agree that there are many bad parents out there who neglect their duties, I don't agree with the above meme 100% Rather, I believe that children are made up of a combination of "good" and "bad" parenting and environmental factors. And yes, parental skill is a big part of who we become as adults. However, denying that any other influences shape us is a huge mistake.

Think about this. If school and peer pressure make no difference, why then do we try our utmost to see that our children attend good schools with caring staff and have friends who impact them positively? Why not simply allow them to go to any old school or hang out with gang members, criminals and other seedy characters if they feel like it?

Why do we insist on the rules of our country reflecting our values? Why do we have movie and music ratings if it's not to insure that our kids' entertainment is suitable for someone whose brain is still susceptible to subliminal suggestion? Why not live in a society without laws or guidelines at all, if our behavior and ultimate fate is not shaped by them in some way?

It's a fact that other people and other conditions do and will influence our children. That has to be factored into our parenting or we're not doing our job properly. Plus, it's pretty conceited of us to believe that we are the only guiding force in our kids' lives that matters, isn't it? I mean, really folks, there are a lot of excellent parents out there whose kids have taken the wrong path due to circumstances beyond their control. It happens to the best of us.

And yes, there are some people out there who just haven't a clue of how to be a parent. Some of them care and some of them don't. But rather than being so critical, why not simply step up and become part of their parenting village? We all need a little support and a break from time to time, don't we? Why not make a contribution rather than being so quick to pass judgment?

And while we're at it, it would serve us well to remember that our kids and grand-kids have a village too and it's our job to monitor the influence of that village. Because like it or not, those “outside” influences do shape our children just as much as we do. We are not all powerful gods and goddesses of parenting. And no matter how vigilant we are, our children have minds of their own, don't they?

So there you go. Do be a good parent. The best you can be. The best you know how to be. Take a class if you need to. Ask for help. Absolutely. But don't deny the fact that environment plays a huge role in the formation of your children. 

Instead, work to shape that role into something positive. There's nothing wrong with being upset at the negative influences your child encounters. But there's something very wrong about denying those influences matter and believing we are the one and only thing that does.

And do make an effort to help those parents who are struggling, rather than simply passing judgment. You're not perfect either. No one is.

It really does take a village. And who or what is in yours makes a difference. Whether you think it does or not.