Coddling and loving are not synonymous

Life is no bed of roses. Teach your kids to deal with the thorns on their own.

Folks, it took me a long, long time and a lot of inconveniences to figure this out. Just trying to save other loving parents from the same thing. When your kids are babies, it's OK to coddle them, just a bit, I think. It makes them feel loved, safe and happy. But as they grow older, if you don't cut the apron strings a little at a time, you will both pay for it. Coddling that extends into adulthood is not love, plus, it's a huge mistake.

It's natural for parents to want to shelter their children from the storms of life. I've done it myself on way too many occasions. Why is that so bad? Well, because making mistakes and taking the falls on their own is what makes them strong enough to stand on their own two feet, that's why. By sparing your teen and young adult children from the consequences of their actions, you also take away the valuable life lessons they will need to survive when you're gone.

And as depressing as it sounds, you will be gone eventually. When you are, who is going to help them if they haven't learned to help themselves? And well before that, you may get to an age where you need your kids to take care of you. Have you given them the strength they need to do that?

When you coddle adult children by catching their every fall, buying them all the things they can't afford and just generally treating them like they can't handle their own lives, guess what happens? They live up to that. They start believing that they can't “do” life on their own.

It's your job to see that your child matures into someone people like to be around. Someone who takes care of their own responsibilities and doesn't leave others to do it for them. Coddling them too long does just the opposite. It creates an adult that others have to take care of. This parenting thing is fun, for sure. But it's also serious business. Turning a child into a responsible adult is hard work.

And yes, it's equally hard to watch your kids fall and fail. But it's important to let it happen. In fact, it's probably the most important thing you can do for them, that is, insisting that they clean up their own messes and fight their own battles.

So, don't be so quick to “help” them when things go wrong. Respect their struggles, give them sound advice, feel for them, comfort them, but resist the temptation to help them too much. Because handing your kids everything they need, picking them up every time they fall and financing their recovery from the consequences of their mistakes is no way to teach them how to survive in the real world.

But what if it's too late? What if you've just realized that you've been doing this all along and it needs to stop? Well, you back off, slowly and gradually. You let them fail here and there. You insist that they take care of their own responsibilities and refuse to do it for them from that point on. In other words, you show them that you truly love and respect them as the adults they are.

Because coddling and loving are antonyms, not synonyms. Showing true love to your children requires saying no occasionally.

And that's all I have to say about that.

Grandma's in house residents shrink again. Yes, again!

Some of my butterflies are spreading their wings and flying away from Grandma's House

It looks like I'll be losing 5 tenants very soon. My daughter, her significant other and 3 of the kids are going on a summer trip. But it's not just any summer trip. It's a trip in their new temporary home.

How do you take a trip in your new house? Well, that's easy when your house is on wheels. With the economy the way it is, rents are most definitely too darn high for some people to live independently. That's why many are turning to camper living, including my daughter. Because when they get back from their summer break, she intends to make the camper into a semi-permanent home for at least half of her family.

Now, granted, I'm not sure how I feel about my loved ones living this way. But it's not my life is it? It's theirs. And if they feel comfortable with it and excited about it, hey, I'm not raining on their parade. It's been nice having them here, albeit a bit tense and crowded at times. But I completely understand their need for their own space, no matter how small a space it may be.

And I guess in some ways, it'll be nice. We could use a little privacy ourselves. It'll also be nice to be able to continue our remodel projects without tripping over someone every few feet. Ha! And now that there will be some actual empty rooms in the house, we can start there.

I suppose you might be wondering about the other two kids. Where will they go? Well, they are 17 and 19 now. So first of all, they aren't exactly helpless. Secondly, their Dad has plans to buy or rent a home large enough for whichever of his kids wants to stay with him.

Until then, of course, they're welcome here. You know, you guys, it's not a perfect solution, splitting up their little family. But as long as everyone concerned is happy and healthy, this grandma is fine with it.

I will miss them all, of course. I've gotten used to them being right here whenever I want to spend time with them. But hey, there's always everyday visits, holidays and special occasions. It's not like I won't ever see them again.

I'm still their grandma after all. No matter how many transitions they face, that won't change.Plus, I'm so happy for them!

Family road trips - Pack for stress free travel

Taking your family on a road trip this summer? It doesn't have to be a scenario from “National Lampoon's Vacation.” Every road trip has it's ups and downs. Still, you can avoid a few glitches along the way by packing well. Your family will appreciate you packing these little survival kits to make the road trip run smoothly.

Here at Grandma's house, with 5 kids, 4 adults and numerous pets, road trips are a necessity. It really helps to break out of the routine and the house. Over the years, I've gotten pretty good at preparing for family road trips. One thing I do is keep a few kits prepared that can just be tossed in the car at a moment's notice.

Snacks in a backpack lessen stops.

Kids and adults alike get cranky cramped up in the car between food stops. Packing non-perishables like nuts, dried fruit and granola bars is a good idea. Keep everyone's blood sugar stable while traveling. Put a few treat items like cookies and chips in the snack pack too. Keep water bottles on hand to cut down on pit stops.

Picnicking saves money and ads to the adventure

Eating exclusively at roadside diners, restaurants and fast food venues can be quite pricey. Consider the addition of a picnic cooler when packing. Fill the cooler with bread and sandwich supplies to save on buying lunch. It can be fun to have rest area picnics. Deli or homemade salads, pickles and olives pack well and can bring a little variety to family road trip lunches. Don't forget the drinks!

Keep kids busy with an activity kit.

“Mom, I'm bored”. This is the cry of all children, whether on a family road trip or not. The activity pack should be filled with puzzle books, magazines and travel games for bored kids and adults. Don't forget pens and pencils. Younger children might appreciate Mom packing a coloring book and crayons for the ride as well. Bring along a Frisbee or ball for leg stretching rest area fun.

Pack a “mess” kit.

There will be messes on the family road trip. Is there anything more miserable than a sticky fingered kid? Bring along napkins, paper towels and plenty of wet wipes to clean up the car and family members. Have a wet washcloth in a plastic sandwich bag for those times when the mess is too big for the wet wipes. A little brush broom and dustpan can be stored under the car seat for easy access.

Make rest stops better.

Road side restrooms and gas stations aren't equipped for everything. Sometimes they're even out of basic supplies. Packing a bag with sanitary seat covers and toilet tissue is handy for these occasions. Grooming supplies like hair products, toothbrushes, toothpaste, soap, brushes and combs should be packed into this kit as well.

Note: Consider packing two of these bags, one for the men and another for the ladies, since they'll use separate facilities.

The first aid kit should be well stocked and easy to access.

Hopefully, it won't be needed. Still, if there's a medical emergency, you'll be glad you're prepared. First aid kits for all needs are available in many camping supply stores. It's also possible to put together your own. The main things are bandages, antiseptic and pain reliever. Don't forget extra prescription medications in case of unforeseen delays..

Are you ready for an unexpected vehicle break down?

Before leaving on a long road trip, be sure all maintenance is up to date. Have a mechanic check for any possible problems before starting on a trip. Replace belts, hoses and wipers, get a complete oil change that includes all flushes and fluids. It'll be much more expensive to have work done on the road. Pack a spare tire, flares and jack for roadside emergencies. It doesn't hurt to have extra fluids either. The car may take a beating with this continual road trip travel.

Be ready to camp out, even if you're planning to use hotels.

Time calculations may go astray. You may become too tired to drive further safely. Either way, you may not quite make it to your hotel one night. Be sure to pack blankets. Add a small tent just in case a campground is close. Sleeping in the car is possible but not all that comfortable.

Note: Rather than grumbling, make it an adventure to be remembered. Who knows? The family may actually enjoy an impromptu night of camping under the stars. After all, a family road trip is about the journey, not the destination.

Grandma calls bull on 2012 interactive gaming study

According to CBS News, a 2012 study has shown playing interactive video games (Like on Wii and Kinect) is no better health-wise, than playing regular video games. This grandma isn't so sure about that.

What about the complete couch potatoes? Isn't a little movement better than none at all? At least it would be a step in the right direction. What about the variance in physical activity levels? Surely some children put a bit more into game play than others.

The results of the study are hard to believe.

Playing a half hour to an hour of active video games per day has no measurable effect on kids health? These games leave a lot of adults huffing and puffing. Still, the researchers appear to have taken measurements to insure accuracy. The study involved 78 kids, half of whom were given active games to play for a 12 week period. They wore devices to monitor physical activity. At the end of the study, researchers found no differences between the kids who used the active games and the kids who didn't.

The missing elements:

Do you see a problem with this research? There's no mention of measuring kids activity levels before the research began. They were compared with the other kids, not with themselves.

If a child went from being a complete couch potato to using interactive games daily, there was certainly some health benefit. Unfortunately, there's no mention of taking base levels prior to the research. Do interactive games improve the health of inactive kids? We have no way of knowing unless researchers include prior health statistics.

Plus, 12 weeks (3 months) is a pretty short time period, isn't it? How about a year later or in the future, once they've been doing it for years? Surely, being more physically active would have long term benefits, no matter the activity. And of course, diet and exercise are team players. No mention was made of their eating habits. Surely that would make a difference. Or at the very least, they could have chosen kids with the same eating habits.

There were just too many factors left out of the study here. I'm no scientist, but I still say that some physical activity has to be better than none, which is what they get playing regular video games. I'm glad my grand-kids play physically interactive electronic games along with conventional ones. Study or no study, Grandma knows it's better for them.

I think it's time for a new study!