Think going back to work on Monday is bad? Try staying home!

I got this!

Ha! Surprise! Stay at home Moms/Dads/ Househusbands/Wives (like this Grandma) dread Mondays even more than working folks dread going back to the grind. Because when you're the keeper of the house, things get ugly on the first day of the week. Really ugly.

By Monday, things are really piling up at Grandma's house. OK, well, maybe it's because Grandma cuts herself a little slack and tries to enjoy her weekend. So, sue me. Everyone else has fun and ignores the mess all weekend too. Difference is, on Monday, everyone else goes back to work while Grandma has no such luck. Grandma is at work every second she's at home because home is her work.

By Monday, we need groceries and lots of them. That means not just going to the store, but unloading them, washing and cleaning out the fridge and cupboards, putting the food, toiletries and cat/dog stuff away and refilling anything that needs to be filled. Oh, you thought that all happened by magic wand? Ya, I thought so. One good thing, though, the grand-daughter works at the grocery store. So, at least I can multitask by getting groceries when I drop her off at work.

That laundry pile is pretty steep by Monday too. Good thing I lugged home that 50 pound bottle of soap. LOL Now, I just have 10 trips up and down the stairs with my arms full of stinky clothes. So much fun I can't stand it! I just have to add all the sheets and blankets to the mix, especially that couch blanket. What the heck is that orange stuff all over it and why does it smell like pee? Never-mind. I don't think I want to know.

Oh man, the upstairs doggies need food and water. Plus, they have to be let out. Now, where did I put those bones I bought them? Oh no! They ate the kitty food again. Plus, her water is empty. Better fill those up too.

The front lawn is dry as a bone. Better get that watered before 10:00. Otherwise, we'll be looking at a steep water restriction fine. Hey, It's OK. I only have to move the hose six or seven times to get it all watered by then. Let's see, half hour for each spot. Yup. I'll be done around noon. Sprinkler system? Did you say sprinkler system? What's that?

Oh, crap, gotta pick that bindweed off the flowers before it chokes them to death, cut back the “Jasper's Beard” switch out the flowers in the vase on the table and I really should fertilize. But the veggie garden needs it worse.

So, off to water, weed and fertilize the veggies in the back. I should only have to mix up about three 5 gallon buckets of compost tea or whatever I have that's handy. Now, each of my umpteen plants will need about half a big gulp cup of that. What do I mean by umpteen? That's a nice way of saying I have too many freaking plants to count. Why oh why did I plant all this stuff? Must have a death wish. Curse my green thumbed enthusiasm all to heck!

Hmm...looks up at the apple tree from hell, pausing for thought.... Right. Gotta find some time this week to saw out those dead branches, spray the sidewalk crack with vinegar to kill the weeds, spray the front lawn with weed and feed and what else? I know I'm forgetting something. Oh, right. Gotta put the tent away before it damages the lawn. Oh hell, let it kill the grass, whatever. It'll be one last patch to water. Ha! I wish I wasn't so ambitious. Gotta do it. Alright now, back to the housework.

Let's see, make the bed, sweep the floors, mop up the spills, wipe the counters and the kitchen table, take out the trash. Wait! Breathe! Don't forget to breathe! OK, now, load the dishwasher. It should only take a couple loads. And be thankful for the dishwasher. Always be thankful for the dishwasher.

Now, let's see, are there any bills that need mailing, other errands that need running, etc? Oh ya, I have a package to mail. Plus, they were out of garlic powder at the store so I have to run elsewhere for it. Oh crap-sicles, I forgot about the sprinkler and it's way past ten o'clock. Better catch it. Guess I'll have to do that last patch tomorrow.

Ding, ding, ding! Did I leave the fridge open or the oven on? Neither, one. It's the laundry. Time to switch it out.

Oh for criminey's sake, can I please sit down for a second? Ha ha ha Sure you can. Right after you trim the flowers, water the indoor plants, get after everyone to put away their scattered belongings, take the dogs out for the third time today and pick up the doggie doo so the lawn guy doesn't step in it. Oh see, more to be thankful for. The lawn guy. Ahhhhhh. At least I don't have to mow and weed-eat.

And I bet, right about now, you guys are saying, “Why doesn't anyone help her?” Oh, they do. When they can. But they have jobs to do and bills to pay and their own set of responsibilities to take care of. And yes, a lot lands on me. But hey, I don't have to work for a living right now unless I want to, so while it may seem unfair, especially on Mondays, it's still not a bad gig.

So, do you still wish you could stay home and not work for a living?

Because, I have to tell you, it isn't just Monday that I go through this. Plus, as long as I am at home, I'm at work. Why do you think I love road trips so much? Did you think it was the scenery? Ha! Well, OK, sure I love to travel for other reasons too. But mostly it's because I get to leave my job behind for a change. Imagine living at your job and always being on duty. Sound fun?

Still want to work at home?

Ya. That's what I thought.

Wimp! LOL