Five reasons you shouldn't even try to be a perfect parent

Perfection is insane!

Don't you get tired of those goody two shoes Moms with their custom mini-vans? They have been blessed with 2 angelic kids. "We have a boy for him and a girl for me. We planned it that way." How about those five star catered play dates? Geez, I was lucky if I could get my youngest to keep her diaper on. If I was a perfect parent, I would never have made so many mistakes. You wouldn't be getting all this free parenting advice. You don't need to be a perfect parent and here's why.

1. You're not perfect and neither is your child.

If you were perfect, you'd be an alien because there are no perfect humans. So, why try to be something you're not? It's exhausting. Besides, everyone knows an impostor when they see one, even your kid. He's only two years old. You don't want him following your lead and growing up to seek an impossible dream, do you?

2. Perfect people are annoying.

Now that's an understatement. "Oh, sweetie, you know Mommy doesn't like it when you do that. Use your words. There now, isn't that better? Oh, aren't you Mommy's little sweet helper? Thank the nice man for the candy. Let's go home now, you need a nappy and Mommy has to make dinner for Daddy." Bleccchh! I'd rather have someone scrape out my eye sockets than listen to that. Poor kid!

3. It's too much pressure on the rest of us.

All these perfect parenting articles, blogs and newsletters are making me look bad. Yes, I give great parenting advice. I'll be the first to admit that's because I made nearly every mistake in the book. Still, I'll never learn enough lessons to achieve perfection. It's an unattainable goal and a waste of time. Besides, who are you trying to impress? It's certainly not your toddler. He's happy splashing in a mud puddle all day. Wait, that's not mud. What is that? Oh Noooo....!!!!

4. Your child deserves better.

Do you really want to do this to that sweet innocent child of yours? You know, the one who never says no, learned to walk at nine months and spoke five languages by the age of two? Wouldn't he be happier just being a normal kid? Oh, that's right, this isn't about your child, it's about you. Everything's about you because you have to be perfect all the time. So your kid has to seem perfect too, right?

5. Kicking back is good for you and your kid.

Relax. Allow yourself a little breathing time. Stop pushing yourself and your child so hard. Give your toddler a bucket of finger paint. Let him step in it and walk all over your newly finished wood floor. It's washable! Take him out to eat. Laugh while he flings spaghetti across the restaurant. "It stuck to the wall, does that mean it's done?" That's the beauty of being a kid. It's the one time in your life when nobody expects you to be perfect. Why ruin it? Plus, those mistakes are how we learn. Whether we're a parent or a child, we need them!

How to praise kids the right way

Does your child deserve a round of applause?

Praising kids for doing the right thing builds self esteem. Kids just feel better about themselves when other people approve of their actions, don't they? You don't need me to tell you that. Still, there's a right and a wrong way for parents to do everything. Praising your kids is no exception. That's where this Grandma's well tested advice comes in handy. Here are my pointers for praising kids the right way. I hope they work as well for you as they have for me.

Give only sincere praise.

Kids are pretty good at sorting out sincerity. They know a line when they hear one. They'll catch you pretty quick if you're not being honest or not really listening. Not only that, if your praise is insincere, they'll get the wrong message about what makes you happy. Sincere praise lets kids know what truly pleases you and others as well as what qualities are valuable in the real world.

Be attentive!

Kids know when you're too preoccupied with your own life to give them your full attention. So stop what you're doing. Look them in the eye. Pay attention to their stories. Give them your whole self. All this makes them feel as if they are more important to you than anything else you're busy with. It also makes them feel more valuable as people. Caring shows!

Be specific.

Let kids know exactly what behavior or skill you are praising and encouraging. Why? Because it further enforces the idea that you really mean it. It shows you've given their actions your undivided attention. In other words, you care enough to put some thought into your praise. For instance, say that your child brings you a drawing they've done. Here are some typical parental responses to that situation

*That's pretty. (Nice, but not specific enough.)*Put it on the fridge with the others. (Makes the drawing sound like one of many.)

Hint - Ask yourself this:

*How could you show that you are truly paying attention?
*Do your words highlight the specific skill you are praising?

Try something like this instead:

*I like the way you're learning to stay within the lines when you color. And that butterfly is the perfect shade of blue. It makes me feel so peaceful and happy. It's like I'm right there in the field of flowers with that beautiful butterfly circling over my head!

Don't forget their friends.

It takes more than parents to raise a child. Your kids' social circle shapes them just as much as you do. Not every child has a positive role model in their lives. Even if they do, it doesn't hurt to have more than one kind. So, when your kids' friends are over, make them feel good about themselves too. Don't just praise your child and leave their friends hanging. That's just not right. Plus, praising your kids' friends makes them better friends to your kids!

4 Jobs kids love to do

Really? There are jobs kids like? Absolutely. Not only that, they'll usually do them for free. They won't even argue with you. Plus, they'll have fun doing them. You wouldn't believe the amount of work kids will do around the house. You just have to learn what they enjoy doing and assign them to those tasks. Here's 4 good examples of jobs kids love to do. If you put some thought into your kids' likes and dislikes, chances are, you can come up with a lot more.

1. Kids love to bake.

Whether it's chocolate chip cookies or birthday cake, all you have to do is ask and hand them a recipe or mix. Their reward is the treat, of course. How does baking a cake help you with your day? It's not exactly difficult. On the other hand, it's one less thing you have to do, isn't it? So go ahead, let kids bake a cake, whip up a batch of brownies or whatever else they like to do in the kitchen. When it comes to jobs kids love, this one appeals to most of them.

2. Kids love to water the lawn.

Why? Because they get to play in the sprinklers. Let's face it, you have a hard time getting to this task unless you have a sprinkler system. So, let kids cool off while the lawn gets a good soaking. It's dual purpose and a super fun job for kids. Believe me, you won't have to ask twice. Plus, your lawn will be the envy of neighbors. As for the water bill, well, you're on your own there.

3. Kids love to clean out the pool.

Why? Same reason they love to water the lawn. A lot of parents cite pool maintenance as a reason not to have a backyard pool. If you're a parent, remember, skimming the pool can be done while in it. That makes it a great job for the kids. They won't complain one tiny bit.

4. Kids love to walk the dog.

Even if you have to walk with them, this fun job for kids can help you out. The kids are happy. The dog is happy. Everyone gets some sunshine to fend off the grumbles. What could be better? Take it a step further. Hit the dog park. Let kids play ball or Frisbee with Fido while you relax with a good book. When was the last time you did that?

Five basic parenting truths that expectant moms should know

Just a little friendly advice from Grandma here. If you're expecting and wondering what to expect, the first thing you should know is that all the parenting classes and helpful articles in the world can't teach you everything there is to know about being a mother, even when they're written by a wise but not so old Grandma like me. Some things you simply have to learn on your own.

You'll laugh. You'll cry. You'll think you're incapable. You'll praise your intuition. Sometimes you 'll wish you had followed it and sometimes you'll wish you hadn't. Being a mom is both the best and the worst experience you will ever have. There are no guarantees, but you 'll be grateful for the surprises. Best of all, you'll learn these five important truths That will make you just a wee bit wiser than those who aren't parents. Shhhhhh.... I didn't say that.

1. Everything is worse than you think it will be.

Those 2 am feedings are every bit as bad as you think, and then some. You will cry out for merciful sleep. Your child will most certainly spew something nasty on you or the floor at least a hundred times in their lifetime. The duty of cleaning it up is also yours. You'll pace the hall for hours with a screaming baby in your arms with no relief in sight. There will be bad report cards and bullies. You'll wait up until the wee hours of the morning wishing they'd call and praying they're still alive. Expectant moms will eventually face all their worst fears.

2. Everything is also better than you think it will be.

You'll stare into those eyes and be changed forever. You'll laugh when they laugh. You'll dance when they dance. You'll feel their triumphs like only a mother can. You'll cry tears of joy at every turn. Your heart will swell with pride and soar to new heights when they hand you a picture they've drawn or earned an A in that subject you thought they'd never understand. Even when they're grown, you'll burst into tears when they make you proud, because that's what moms do.

3. You'll find out what it really means to love.

You'll experience incomprehensible joy when you give birth to your child. That joy will continue throughout your life and live on through them when you've gone. Your child was once and is always a part of you. They're your heart. They're your soul. They're your dreams, your reality and yes, they are your finest creation. They exemplify you. When you invest your love, your time and all your good intentions in your child, it will come back to you a million times over. Having a child is the greatest form of love you will ever experience.

4. You'll find out what it really means to be hurt.

No person on the face of this earth can hurt you like your own child. An insult from them is like a knife to the heart. Any resentment they harbor toward you is a dark shadow invading your soul. Seeing them hurt is worse still. It will bring you to your knees. When they move away, a huge piece of you will leave with them. Whatever harm, evil, hatred or neglect you perpetrate on your child, you will receive back multiplied by infinite numbers.

5. Regrets are futile.

Once you've brought a child into the world, there is no turning back. You're a parent for the rest of your life. It doesn't stop when they come of age or leave the nest and you won't want it to. It's a grand and glorious roller coaster ride. Once you make a mistake with your child, you can never take it back. Likewise, you can never take back the love or remove them from your heart. You will worry about and praise them for the rest of their life and the rest of yours. They will remember you and feel your presence long after you have gone.

Expectant mothers should know to always love and nurture their children as if it were the most important job on the face of the earth. Because it is.