Finding peace in grand-parenting and parenting

Me and my grand-daughter. (photo by Jaipi Sixbear copyright 2011)

I know most of my readers think of me as the ideal grand-parent. Or maybe that's just me. Most days, I try to be. I don't always succeed, though. I can be just as impatient as any parent or grand-parent out there. There are days when all I want is just a little peace in my life. In fact, there are days when I get down-right frustrated. Finding peace in grand-parenting isn't always easy. For instance:

My daughter and I are way too much alike.

I look at her, making the same mistakes I did at her age and I just want her to relax. Mostly, I want her to stop putting everyone (be it man, co-worker or child) before herself. I'm a living example of why that's a bad idea. I'm suffering now for the time I didn't spend on my own good mental and physical health as a young parent. That is not the future I want for her or my grand-kids.

How can parents and grand-parents find that middle ground?

It's OK to want the best for your kids. It's not OK to neglect yourself in the process. I make sure I take time each and every day to address my own needs. I also remind myself that I can't be the best grand-parent until I've found peace within myself. Of course, it's also bad to only worry about yourself. There has to be a balance.

I sometimes get way too carried away with being Grandma.

I want my grand-kids to have a wonderful childhood. There's certainly nothing wrong with that, is there? On the surface, not at all. The thing is that if I haven't done absolutely everything to insure that they do, I feel like an inadequate Grandma. I'm not, of course. I'm just replaying my old habit of doing everything for everyone but myself

Why is doing it all for kids and grand-kids such a bad idea?

Kids need a certain amount of struggle to learn and grow. Taking away their burdens and struggles denies them the ability to do for themselves. So, although it sounds kind, it's actually quite the opposite.

So, we come full circle.

I watch my daughter trying to catch my tail. We're both trying to be something no human being will ever be. There is no perfect in parenting or grand-parenting. Don't get me wrong. Most of the time we both knock parenting out of the park. We're good at what we do or have done for our kids. We're awesome parents. We're just not that great at what we do for ourselves.

Why is it so impossible to be a perfect grand-parent?

Simply put, we are all human beings here. Life is not a 60 second TV commercial, or a 30 minute sitcom, where problems melt away at the end of the show. Life is not scripted. It's full of highs and lows and things don't always work out in the end. Kids need to know that in order to survive life. In fact, the highs and lows are good for us adults too. We're not perfect because life is not perfect.

Then the conflict nails me.

You can only spend so much time on other people's problems before you begin to resent the fact that you have no time for the things you have set out to do in life. For me, my main goal has been finding that inner peace, that connection where all is right with the world. As a parent, that's pretty hard to find, even if you're not a caretaker type. As a grand-parent who's been there and done that, it's practically impossible.

How do I find that balance as a grand-parent?

I try to focus on the possible, rather than the ridiculously long to-do list in my head. There is only so much time in the day, after all. While I may want to do everything for my kids and grand-kids, I have to prioritize.

So, where is the peace?

I think for me, it's somewhere in between being Super Grandma and Good Enough Grandma. Yup, from now on, I'm going to work on letting go a little at a time. I've spent a lifetime taking care of others. Now it's truly time to take care of myself. Have you heard the saying, Let go and let live ?

What's the overall goal?

For me, I have to find enough peace within myself to allow others to be their own heroes. Finding peace in grand-parenting is a challenge for this Grandma. Still, I know I can be my own hero too. I just have to pay as much attention to myself as I do to everyone else.

This post was previously published by this author on Yahoo!

Cleaning and decorating tips that lift family spirits

Using sunny colors brightens moods! (copyright Jaipi Sixbear 2012)

In honor of starting the big clean-up of the kids' rooms, I decided to post this one from my Yahoo! non-exclusives archives today! Wish me luck. I'm going to need lots of it and all the time I have available to get it done before they come back from vacation!

I'll definitely need my spirits lifted if today is any indication of things to come while moving their stuff around. I had to sit down after just an hour. I'll have to do it in spurts, I guess. So, here is some cleaning and decorating inspiration for you and for me:

 Cleaning and decorating tips that lift family spirits

How does cleaning and decorating lift family spirits? What colors and styles bring a sense of happiness to the home? What decorating ideas generate peace and serenity? Is it possible to bring on a happier home life through decorating? Absolutely! How do I know? Well, I don't mean to brag, but friends and family always tell me how welcome they feel in my house and how peaceful and happy it is. Here's a few of my not so secret secrets.

Use sunshiny colors.

My favorite color is orange, which makes it easy to accomplish this bold decorating statement. The colors of the sun, yellow, gold and orange tend to pick people up when they're feeling down. They bring that sunshine right into your life. Now, I have heard that yellow makes babies cry. I've never witnessed that myself. My babies and grand-babies all thrived in the sunshine, just like me.

Bonus color suggestion:

Blue doesn't give you the blues. In fact, decorating with the color blue brings contentment to the home.

Use fresh air and sunshine properly.

Speaking of sunshine, let's talk about the natural kind. It's wonderful in the right quantity. Too much can turn your home into a summer inferno. That's why I regulate my blinds to let in only indirect light. When the sun beats heavily on the east side of my house in the morning, I close those blinds, leaving the west side open. As for the fresh summer air, I run my whole house fan when it's cooler outside than in. This draws in the cool air. Once the air outside heats up, I turn it off so the house stays cooler.

Keep things uncluttered.

Clutter is depressing. It clogs up your thought processes. When my house is cluttered, I think of nothing else but getting it cleaned up and organized. That's why I clear clutter quickly as it accumulates. I keep statues and other décor items minimal too. It just makes the house seem lighter and brighter. How about you?

Leave room to walk and breathe.

I decorate with minimal furnishings to keep the mood of the house less somber. It can be frustrating running into things at night or trying to navigate around heavy, bulky furniture. When using dark furniture, I try to brighten it with pretty bright throws or tapestries in those sunshiny colors. Who can find happiness when their home is crowded by dull, lifeless objects?

Clean without chemicals.

Did you know chemicals in household cleaners can cause allergic reactions, asthma attacks and other health issues? One of the most important keys to happiness is good health. Be sure the products you clean with are non-toxic to family members and pets. After all, a healthy home is a happy home.

Portions of this post were previously published by this author on Yahoo!

Charting the chores and more

Chores and play are done as a family (public domain photo)

While the grand-kids are on vacation, I have plenty of time to do things like making chore charts, organizing the chaos and such. By the time they get back, I will hopefully have created a more peaceful, stable environment we can all live with. Either that or there will be a ton of whining and complaining. Still, I'm one of those people who feels stability and security depend on knowing what's expected of you and doing your share.

I'm so old fashioned, right?

On the other hand, I've seen the opposite two sides of the coin. That's why I refuse to be on either. On one side are those parents that let their kids tell them how to run the house. On the other side are those that bad-mouth, guilt and pound their kids into behaving. Some parents even alternate between the two, confusing the heck out of their kids. None of this is pretty. None of this teaches kids anything useful. I'll take peacefully written, peacefully spoken and peacefully enforced rules over all that silliness any day of the week.

How Grandma does it.

I make sure the kids and grown-ups all know and understand the rules.

When the rules are broken, I don't make the kids feel guilty. I just make them fix their mistakes.

We all are expected to chip in on the work.

Anyone who doesn't, has a privilege taken away because they have not earned it.

After the work is done, we have a lot of fun, laughing and playing together as a family.

All “discipline” is done in a calm, non-violent, matter-of-fact way with no name calling or blame placing.

Nobody in this house is allowed to make another person feel inferior, even yours truly.

Where learning is concerned, parental example is king and life experience is queen.

The end.

Five types of play your child needs

Kids learn best through play (public domain photo)

Grandma knows best. Here's what I know about the value of play for kids. Your child needs more than five types of play. Still, these are vital. Work before play may not always ring true for your child. That's because play is how children learn best. Many parents think of play differently. They may take away toys as punishment or restrict children from making all that wonderful noise that comes with happy playtime. Kids do need rules. They also need fun as a part of the learning process. Here are the five most important types of play your child needs.

Social play

Social play starts with peek-a-boo and ends with dating. Having friends is important for a child's social development. That's right, all that time your teenager spends texting and talking on the phone is actually good for their social skills. Learning to interact with others is vital to your child's success later in life. So make those play dates, tolerate teenage chatter and encourage those tea parties.

Manipulative play

When we think of manipulative toys, we usually associate the term with baby blocks and counting bears. Actually, manipulative play is a need for children of all ages. Building blocks become more complicated and intricate as your child grows. Older kids might like building models. Teens might help Dad work on the car. All this helps kids with spacial relations and problem solving.

Physical play

Getting in shape and staying that way leads to a long healthy life. Your child can get a jump start on physical fitness through active play. Whether it be running, jumping rope, biking, skate-boarding, swimming or something else entirely, get those kids up and moving. Childhood is the best time to make a lifetime habit out of staying physically fit.

Fantasy play

Make believe sets the stage for real life. The more fantasy play your children engage in, the better prepared they will be for real life problems. Playing house, super-heroes and dolls is rehearsal for real life. Even imaginary friends can help your child learn what works in social situations. Don't discourage your child from fantasy play. It will help them with the realities of adulthood.

Structured play

In life, we must all play by the rules. It's what keeps us employed, out of debt and well fed. Games with rules are essential for your child's mental well being. Following simple game rules teaches discipline as well. Start with peek-a-boo and hide and seek. Later on, consider organized sports for team building. Playing by the rules is a lesson kids need at every age.

This post was previously published on Yahoo! by this author.

Healthy add-ins for cookies - Keep fussy eaters happy

Cookies can be healthy! (public domain photo)

My grand-kids love it when I make cookies. If you can't beat 'em join 'em. So you can't get your family to eat healthy food? How about hiding it a cookie? Who doesn't love cookies? You can use these same healthy add ins for cookies in other desserts too. They keep fussy eaters happy because they have no idea they're there. Some of them sound decadent, but they're actually very healthy add ins. Here's some healthy things you can add to cookie dough that fussy eaters will gobble up.

Flour Substitutes

Substitute these for half the flour in your recipe to keep fussy eaters happy and healthy. Try making your own oat flour by simply whirring oats in the blender. Those who don't like the texture of whole grains will never know it's there. You can do the same with wheat germ, corn meal and other grains. Graham flour (think graham crackers) lends an unusually sweet flavor to cookies as well. It's sold with the regular flour in most supermarkets. All these healthy add ins for cookies are far healthier than white flour. They taste great too.

Flax Seed and Other Nuts

Although adding nuts to cookies may seem obvious, many people don't realize just how healthy nuts are. They contain as much protein and Omega 3 as meat products. Flax seed is just as high in Omega power as oily fish, without the risk of ingesting mercury. So are walnuts. Got a loved one who doesn't mind nutty flavor but hates the texture? Nuts can be ground in the blender too. You can mix ground nuts with oat or graham flour as awesomely healthy add ins for cookies. Be sure to ask about nut allergies before serving.

Fruit or Veggie Puree

Just about any fruit and some vegetables can be pureed as healthy add ins for cookies. Your fussy eater will never know they are there. Mixing the fruits and veggies disguises the vegetable flavor. Carrot and banana is a wonderful combo, as is applesauce and pumpkin. Zucchini cookies are just as yummy as zucchini bread and healthy too. Now how about a healthy dose of chocolate for those fussy eaters in your family?

Dark Unsweetened Cocoa Powder

Yes, chocolate is good for you, but only certain kinds of chocolate. Skip the highly processed kind and try dark unsweetened cocoa powder as a healthy add in for cookies. You were going to sweeten those cookies anyway, right? Just blend in about a fourth cup of cocoa powder to keep fussy eaters happy and healthy. For an added health boost, substitute applesauce or bananas for part of the sugar. If you can't beat 'em, join those fussy eaters for some healthy cookies made with one of these add ins.

This post was previously published on Yahoo! by this author.

Summer family road trip tips - Keeping the car clean

Road trip fun! (public domain photo)

You wake up with potato chips in your hair, sitting on a squashed Twinkie and what is that smell? That's right folks, you're on a summer family road trip. A summer family road trip is not a naturally clean experience. Your car can stay clean on a summer family road trip by keeping a few simple tips in mind.

Throws and tarps

Those of you with kids know this is not an extreme clean tip. Throw a tarp over each seat. Cut holes to feed the seat belts through. This is especially important under the child or infant car seat. Give each passenger a fleece throw to sit on as well. This provides a softer surface than the tarp and can be shaken out at rest stops.

Take out the trash

A plastic bag from the grocery store hangs nicely over a car head rest. Double it up to guard against leaks. In the front seat, Mom and Dad can hang theirs from the glove box. Keep the car clean during the summer family road trip by emptying the bags at each rest stop. Check for debris under the seats each time as well.

Organize kid stuff

Hang a shoe organizer over the other head rest to keep kids small toys and shoes in. How many times have you been on a summer road trip where someone had to search for shoes at a rest stop? Crayons, markers, activity and coloring books slide right into the shoe holders. Keep the youngest family members busy with little surprises in the pockets and keep the clutter off the car floor.

Hand wipes

Wet wipes were invented for good reason. Dirty little summer road trip hands can make a mess out of clean car upholstery. Those with environmental objections to disposable wipes can keep a clean wet washcloth in a plastic lidded container. Clean it with soap and water at the next rest stop and the family is good for a few more miles of messes.

Cup holders

What is that gooey gunk at the bottom of the cup holder? Curb cup holder clean up by lining car cup holders with store bought liners, foil, or saran wrap. Plastic bags on takeout cup bottoms work as well. Cleaning up after a family summer road trip should not be an all day job.
If you forget this tip, fill dirty car cup holders with warm water. Soak for a few minutes before cleaning.

Laundry

Keep two laundry bags in the car on the floor in the back seat. One laundry bag for wet clothes, the other for dry. Clean the wet clothes ASAP to avoid mystery smells in the car. Family members with stinky foot odor should put dirty socks in the wet clothes bag. Your summer family road trip car should smell good too.

This article was previously published by this author on Yahoo!

Princess party silliness

Princess magic (public domain photo)

Ha ha ha So, while the grand-kids are on vacation, I decided to post some of my non-exclusive Yahoo!parenting articles on the blog. This is the first gem I came across. It's about planning a princess party as you can see. I wrote it the very first year of my writing career and it shows. It's extremely out of character for me, very frilly and flowery. There are some good tips in there if you can get past the sickening sweetness. Have a good laugh on me, at me or use a tip or two.

Planning a princess party

Your daughter's princess party invitation arrives on a scroll. You arrive on the scene with your hopeful princess. The backyard is filled with a multitude of tiny princesses in fluffy pink. Castles and unicorns fill their heads. Sparkling shoes adorn their feet. A tea party is set up on one table. A sugar cube castle is being erected on another.

The cake is covered in dreamy white frosting with pink sprinkles. A throne has been decorated for the queen. Party guests run here and there with streamers on sticks doing ribbon dances. The pinata is a unicorn with more ribbons trailing down. Colorful carnival games have been set up around the lawn for the amusement of princesses from neighboring

How did they do it?

As you survey this picture perfect scene you are thinking about the parties you have given your daughter. None compared to this extravaganza. Don't worry. Your next one will. It isn't as hard as it looks. Here's how to plan a princess party to please even the most sophisticated princess.

Let's start with the invitations.

To make the scroll invitations start with an aged looking piece of paper. Write out your invitation. Glue a thin dowel to each end of the paper. Roll the dowels up toward each other until they meet and you have your scroll. Try introducing your invitation with Here ye Here ye or some other medieval expression. On the invitation specify that each girl is to dress in her princess best.

What else makes a princess party special?

*Streamers on sticks can be made by tying ribbon to painted 12 inch dowels. You can purchase them already made at a party store.

*For the tea party you need a pink plastic table cloth, a plate of plain sugar cookies with pink icing, toy tea cups and a teapot filled with lemonade.

*For a castle building adventure all you will need are several boxes of sugar cubes, frosting mortar, and plates to build the castles on. Build an example castle before the party. Put it in the center of the table.

*The princess cake is a plain white cake with white frosting and pink sugar sprinkles. Add tiny toothpick flags.

*For the princess throne, drape a white sheet over a regular chair. Tie pink flowing ribbons at the top to embellish it and hold the sheet on. Decorate a dowel with ribbons as a staff. The little princesses take turns being queen for 15 minutes.

*Unicorn pinatas are not hard to find. Since the rest of the party is sugary sweet fill this one with small toys. You can buy a bag of them at party stores.

Carnival games for your princess party can be quite simple.

*Queens bowling is just a piece of plywood painted pink with purple lines. Use a kids plastic bowling ball set. To stabilize the pins glue three dowels in a triangle onto the pink alley.

*For a peasant penny pitch game paint a piece of wood pink with a small purple circle in the center. Try to throw your penny so it lands in the circle.

*Prince Charming ring toss players try to toss a giant diamond ring over silver painted dowels stuck into the lawn. The ring can be purchased in the wedding department of a craft store. They're usually used as napkin rings.

*Royal Golf is just a kids golf game with the "hole" fastened to a piece of painted plywood.

*Off with their heads is played at your princess party by placing pink koosh ball heads on a small wooden box and trying to knock them off with another koosh ball.
You may have noticed that this princess party is designed with Mom in mind. Most of the activities can be done by the kids on their own. That makes Mom the queen.

Ha ha ha ha aha aha ha aha ha a Oh my.

Note: Portions of this post were previously published on Yahoo! by this author.

The benefits of the grand-kids being on vacation

T.P. (public domain photo)

If I wrote this with my heart, the page would be empty! I love those kids so much and I miss them like crazy. However, my head has to admit there are some benefits to having the house to myself while everyone else is at work and the grand-kids are gone. Some are silly. Some are obvious. Here they are.

We use less toilet paper.

Ha ha, it's so true. Yesterday, I bought the usual weekly amount of tissue. I came home to find that there's still 2 weeks worth in both bathrooms. We also use less dish soap, laundry soap, electricity, water, trash bags and any other household supply or utility imaginable. Perhaps I should raise the rent. Oh, wait. That's right. They don't pay rent, except with love, laughter and hugs. They're just kids.

I could pick my nose.

If I was a nose picker, this would be a great time to do it. I don't need to pick my nose, though. After all, we have lots of tissue. Ha ha! So, I guess I'll just have to think of some other things to do while the grand-kids vacation.

I can get a lot of work done.

Of course, that doesn't mean I will. Oh, who am I kidding? I'm such a workaholic. I'll probably make a fortune while they're gone. Nah, who needs it? I'm already a page view multimillionaire. Oh right, that site is closing. Does that mean I'm no longer a PV champion? I hope not. I'd hate to start all over again.

I can run around in my underwear.

Of course, that may not work out too well in the garden or when someone comes to the door. Besides, even I don't want to see that. I'm 54, you know, not 24.

Anyway, I guess there's a few benefits.

There are some good things about the grands not being here. Problem is, none of them are worth the trade off.

Gifts the grand-kids left me while on vacation

Mate-less sock (public domain photo)

The grand-kids have been on vacation now for a little over a week. Guess what? They left me some parting gifts. In fact, I'm so excited about it, this is my second post on the subject. Other parents and grand-parents likely won't be surprised by this. While we certainly try to teach them to pick up after themselves, the sheer volume of crumbs, clothes, dishes and whatever other gifts they leave behind, necessitates a bit of help from time to time. (In other words, I'm still cleaning up after them.)

So, this morning I found myself gathering towels, dirty clothes and some weird stuff on the counter that was unidentifiable (and is now trash) out of the main bathroom. It happens. It was squishy, tiny, gelatinous and round. Anyone care to guess what it was? I certainly have no idea. Maybe that's for the best.

Moving on, in the laundry room, I found a washcloth clogging the floor drain. We won't discuss the foul odor coming from it. I believe I asked someone to take it to the laundry room the day they left for vacation.

Outside, someone had thrown their fuzzy blanket and hooded jacket over the garden fence. I shook them out. It rained earwigs. A curse on the earwigs! I'm so sick of those things. I'm waging war against them in another blog post and in real life.

In the fire-pit area, I found 2 non-matching socks, several spoons (so that's where they went) and a ton of broken water balloons. The younger kids like to play there because it's where our pool used to sit. There's sand about 6 inches deep.

In the “secret garden” hole behind the bushes where they also play, I found some Mardi-Gras debris from the 17 year old's birthday party.

Under the couch, I found the usual assorted pens, tiny cars, hair ties, dog toys and more.

In one of the kitchen cupboards, I came across an empty bottle of hot sauce. Just like those commercials, they put that crap on everything. Unfortunately, they seem to have forgotten about this little invention known as the trash can.

In the fridge were all the leftovers they won't be eating as well as various questionable spills, drip and blobs.

In one of their rooms, I found assorted dishes to wash. I'm sure they were planning on carting them all to the kitchen eventually. At least one can hope....

So, don't worry about me. I have plenty to do while the grand-kids are gone. But then again, I wasn't really worried about that. This isn't my first merry go round ride.

Grandma's house minus 4?

Off to Disney! (photo by Amber Paul)

Well, here I am on the second post for the blog about living with my grand-kids and they're not here. They're off on a vacation to Disney World and New Orleans with their other grandma. I was looking forward to the break, but good gosh, I miss them.

It's a good thing there are still remnants of their habitation everywhere.

I would hate to go a day without having to pick up after them. That would be so sad. Can you see my eyes rolling into the back of my head? So, guess how I'm spending the day after my work is done?

I'm cleaning their rooms.

Ya, I know. I always say, don't do it. Let them do it, so they learn. That's my theory. Unfortunately, the reality is, they are not here. The rooms are a mess. I can't stand looking at them and I'm a bit of a neat freak, albeit a casual one.

So, not only am I cleaning their rooms, I'm making some changes.

The one room they use is unfinished.

It's in the basement. It used to be storage. I don't like them sleeping down there. It's clean, but the cement floor creeps me out. What if they fall out of bed and hit their heads? Plus, it's kind of dusty and 2 of them have asthma, so it's not a great place for a bedroom. That will be their living room/rec room.

Bonus: I never go down there. They will like that. Plus, I won't have to see the mess unless I want to, for who knows what reason. Win/win!

The former office is their other room.

It's upstairs, finished and dust free. So, I'm thinking, that's a good spot for all their beds. Hey, it's OK. They are here temporarily. They'll get their own rooms soon enough. That will happen either when my other daughter moves out of her two rooms (she has the finished half of the basement because she was here first) or when their mom gets a place.

Meanwhile, grandma is not vacationing at a posh, Florida hotel on the beach.

I better get my writing done so I can have at this project. You know kids. Once they come back, I will not have this golden window of opportunity to make their rooms liveable without their sweet little voices echoing things like, “Don't touch my stuff! I'll do it! I said I would! We don't want them in our room, eww! Why can't we sleep downstairs?” etc. etc. Blah, blah, blah.

To which I mentally reply, “Na-na Na-na Boo-boo, you're not here! I can do whatever I want, so there!”

I think they're rubbing off on me.

About Grandma's House Plus 4

OH NOOO! Photo by Lyn Lomasi (used with permission)

It doesn't really matter why and let me say, my daughter is a good Mom, yet, here I am “stuck” with my 4 grand-kids. Yup, they're all living in my house. It's been interesting, to say the least. After all, when you reach the age of 54, you figure, you're pretty much done with the whole parenting thing, right? Ya, well, in my case, not so much.

I love it.

I love the craziness, the randomness, the silliness, the stupidity, the immaturity, the love, the laughter, the pain, the inconvenience, the messy rooms, the dirty faces, the hand-prints on the walls and everything else that goes with having 4 kids in your house.

I love having the opportunity to spend so much time with them. I love being a Grandma full time, rather than here and there. I'm going to miss them when they go back to their normal lives.

On the other hand....

There are those messes and inconveniences. I know I said I loved them, but, well, if you're a parent, you know the drill. You love it. You hate it. You're amazed by it. You're amused by it. You can't get enough of it and yet, wish you could run away to an island for at least 45 minutes out of every day so you don't have to deal with it. Oh yes, you do. We all do. Even the most spectacular parents in the world need a break sometimes.

It's the same for grandparents.

So, here we are, me and my awesome, devastatingly handsome partner and these 4 kids. Oh and did I mention, my other daughter is here temporarily too? Ya, with her 2 dogs and 3 cats. Oh, and we have a dog and a cat. Oh, and one of the grand-kids has her dog here too. Oh my! So, really, it's more like plus a million. But you know what? It's OK.

We love each other. And it's going to be great. No, really it is. And when it's not, well, you can have a good laugh on us. Because here we go into the fray as they say.....

See you next post.