Breaking the chain

Some chains are made to be broken

Today, a lot of my various blog posts are about minding my own business. It's not a bad thing. It's about empowerment. It's a little about freedom. It's a lot about empowering and trusting others as well. But, back to that chain.

Since you last heard from me, my last grand-kid in residence moved out. Breaking the “under my roof” chain was not an easy choice, but it had to be done. Of course, I will miss her. Of course, there will be times when I wish she was back. But the bottom line is, I'm grandma, not mom and kids belong with their parents.

But wait, there's more.

I'm not just breaking the live in chain. I'm breaking the responsibility chain. Because not only do kids belong with their parents, so does the responsibility of raising them, no matter the circumstance. Barring abuse, neglect and other serious issues, that is.

My grand-kids will always be number one in my book. Same with my kids, of course. But here I am in my 50's. I find myself in a spot where my whole life has revolved around them. I suppose in some ways, that's as it should be.

But what about me? When will I be number one in my own life? Well, over the last few years, I have been making gradual changes toward that end. Because, let's face it, if you don't take care of yourself, what will you have to share or give to others? Not a darn thing.

I'm no good at selfish. That's not where I intend to take this. My grand-kids will also still get my advice and undivided attention when they need it.

So will you, by the way. This blog will now contain some of the best realistic parenting advice you'll ever get. Not because I'm especially intelligent but because I've been through a lot of crap and learned from it.

As for my kids and grand-kids, they will still be welcome and frequent visitors to my house. We'll laugh and play and go places together. We'll do all the fun things we always have. I love being a mom and a grandma. It's just that I don't want to be in that parenting role with them anymore. It's not my job.

The kids are too old and the grand-kids already have parents for that.

Plus, I've been wrong to take care of their responsibilities every time they have financial woes or struggles. It's not good for any of us.

Plus, I really should mind my own business.

Yes, I admit that I'm a bit of a know it all. Stop laughing, OK? I'm a huge know it all. Is that better? The difference is though, that now I'm trying. I'm really trying to break that chain. I hate when anyone tells me how to live. It's about time I realized that other people do too.

Meanwhile, you can still look to this blog for that parenting advice. And maybe a laugh or two along the way. I am hilarious, after all. You won't be able to help yourself.

Breaking the chain can be fun and I intend to prove it.

More adventures in Common Core math

Math should not cause a kid to look this depressed and frustrated!

Oh ya, we all have them, don't we? Those nights of bending over the elementary school math paper going, “Huh?” Good heavens, I was in Trig and Calculus in high school. It was easier than this “Common Core” crap. Who in the heck decided to bestow this gem on grade schoolers? Is there still a firing squad, because....

The kid is frustrated. I'm frustrated. My ever-supportive boyfriend is on the phone with an elementary school teacher trying to sort out the madness. All because they added money to the subtraction equation in my grand-daughter's homework assignment without explaining to her how to break down money when subtracting a larger cent portion from a smaller cent portion. What?

Why are we doing this to kids who understand fully the math concepts behind conventional subtraction? Why are we not just glad they have the mental capability to find the answer ONE way? That used to be a good thing.

My grand-daughter learned math the “old” way. She's good at it. She gets it. Now, she has to turn around and learn math all over again. Because the fact that she understands it the old way just isn't good enough any more. Not only that, I can't help her with her homework because I have no idea in hell what she's supposed to be doing.

Both my boyfriend and my grand-daughter spent time on the phone with a grade school teacher last night. They still didn't get it. Friends, if the teachers can't even explain it to the kids or the parents after a half hour phone conversation, who the hell can and why are we doing this?

I know. I know. Times are changing, right? But let's face it. Not every kid is destined to be a rocket scientist. They don't all need advanced math skills, especially at the elementary level. Surely, that can wait until they reach high school, can't it? Then, they can decide if their chosen career warrants it and go from there.

Oh, but that makes too much sense. Instead, let's confuse the hell out of kids, parents, grand-parents and everyone else involved until they all hate math so much that they never, ever want to use it again, even in real life.

Let's make it as complicated and frustrating as possible because that's how we make kids love math, right? WRONG!

Elementary school math should involve simple, basic concepts that are easily explained. It should give kids the basis for understanding the way numbers work. It should not be an exercise in hair tearing, gut wrenching exhaustion.

So, what happened? Well, what happened was that my grand-daughter went to school today with her math problem done one way and a note for the teacher to please sit down with her and explain how to do it the second way so that she can understand it.

Will that happen? Who knows? At this point, I'm not even sure the teacher gets it. Because if she did, you would think that by the time the kids got an assignment requiring them to use it, they would understand it. That's the point of teaching something, right? Making sure the kids understand it? Or at least it used to be.

Sigh....

5 Easy "tricks" that stop "bad" behavior quickly

Regular naps can squelch "bad" behavior.

Trying to stop bad behavior is like trying to stop a runaway train. If you put the brakes on too far down the line, that train runs right off the tracks. People get hurt. There are major clean up issues. Nobody reaches their destination. On the other hand, if you know a few ways to slow the train down without derailing it entirely, everyone has a smooth ride. Want to stop bad behavior in its tracks? Here's how.

Make your presence felt.

Get up close and personal with kids displaying bad behavior. It's pretty hard for kids to engage in bad behavior when a parent is standing right there. Sometimes all it takes to stop kids from behaving badly is for Mom or Dad to enter the room, sit beside them and read a book. Giving them a quick knowing glance adds to the effect.

Want to stop bad behavior? Take a knee.

Take discipline to another level. Looking down on your child illustrates the fact that you are somehow superior. Remember that boss who used to shake her finger at you? It's the same feeling. You don't want to belittle your child. You just want them to behave. So, sit down, kneel down or whatever it takes to put you on equal ground.

Choices are overrated when squelching bad behavior.

If you don't intend for your child to make a choice, don't give them one. Modern parents often make a big deal out of allowing children to make choices. That's all fine and good until you get to areas where no choice is the best choice. Let your children make small choices, such as what outfit to wear. Leave the big decisions to those who are best equipped to make them.

Make chores reflect interests.

A busy child is less likely to display bad behavior. More so if they're busy doing something they like. Each child has a hidden talent. It's your job to bring it out. Make it clear that they are your hero in that department. Make a point to thank them and praise their hard work. Bad behavior doesn't surface as often in kids with high self esteem.

Recognize the difference between fatigue and bad behavior.

Want to stop bad behavior in its tracks? Learn to recognize a tired child. In my opinion, much of what passes as bad behavior is simply hunger or fatigue. Today's kids are constantly on the go. They stay up later too. I know when my grand-kids get cranky, it's almost always because they're tired, hungry or have nothing to occupy their minds with. They're good kids and I bet yours are too. So, before you jump to conclusions, make sure there's not some other reason behind that cranky, belligerent attitude.

Portions of this post were previously published by this author on a now closed Yahoo property.

From 4 to 1

Where'd everybody go?

Here at Grandma's house, we're down to just one live in grand-kid. It's my youngest grand-daughter. When the other 3 kids found a temporary home with their dad, she didn't want to change schools again, so here she is with her own little room, spending her time drawing and painting with Grandma and otherwise just being her usual, sweet self.

Her room used to be the office, then it was home to 4 kids (or at least, sleeping quarters). So now, it seems pretty roomy with just one tiny little girl in it. And soooo quiet too. LOL From 4 to 1 is a huge difference, no matter which kid is hanging their hat here. They're all such great people. And I'm not just saying that because they're related to me.

OK, maybe a little.

Anyway, never fear, the other 3 of 4 grands will, of course, be spending time here, as always. Meanwhile, I'll be primarily writing about the adventures of me and the princess for a while. I'm sure she'll give me plenty to write about, all by herself. After all, she's no slacker. She just ran her 2^nd 5K!

Ya, my grand-kids are cool like that.

Buy kids clothes cheap - Keep them new

Know which stores have good deals (public domain photo)

Looking for a way to keep kids clothes looking new? Tired of replacing worn out clothes? Want to know where to find cheap new clothes? Keeping 4 grand-kids in clothes is a huge challenge. I help my daughter out by buying some occasionally. Yesterday, I talked about what good shoppers my teen grand-kids are. They come buy it naturally. If your clothing budget is stretched to the max, try these tips I use to save money and make their clothes last longer.

Belts for girls  
Tween and teen girls love belts. Nice ones can be pricey. Instead, buy a cheap scarf from the dollar store and a couple 3 inch metal rings from the craft store. Put one end of the scarf through both rings. Fold over and sew together to hold the rings in place. Fasten and tighten this cheap clothes accessory like a motorcycle helmet by putting the other end of the scarf through both rings, then back through one.

Lengthen the life of athletic shoes
Keep kids sports shoes new. Use spray acrylic on them right after purchase. Stains just wipe off. This tip keeps casual shoes free from water damage. It can be used on any cloth shoe. Those more expensive shoes they talked you into buying can be sprayed with water repellent.

Stain repellent  
Kids clothes get stained quickly. Not all those stains come out easily. Many people aren't aware that water repellent for clothes can also repel stains. Keep kids clothes looking new by using it regularly. Spray new clothes to keep them from staining. This will work through several washes. After that, just spray them again.

Buy in bulk with purpose
Certain kids clothes will always be cheap and in style. When you find sales on clothes that fit and look good buy several in different colors. Good examples are t-shirts and blue jeans. I got 4 pair of brand name jeans at a close out store the other day for 6.00 each. When you find good deals like this, stock up. Buy some clothes one size up if your kids like them. They'll grow into them. Socks and underclothes can be bought in bulk too. Kids go through them like crazy.

T-shirts

The craft store is a very cheap place to buy them. They're normally under 7.00 but go on sale every other month for half price. These are name brand high quality shirts. Craft stores buy them in large volumes at a discount. They pass the savings on to customers.

Portions of this article were published by this author on a closed Yahoo! property.

Clothes, clothes, clothes

Laundry day! (public domain)

Airing my family's dirty laundry isn't really my style. Still, I have to say it. Who needs this many clothes and shoes? Oh my goodness, you guys, these teenage grand-kids have so many clothes, it's bordering on ridiculous. The bedroom is clean, but the laundry is far from done. I've done 11 loads so far. I'm about a third of the way through the clothes.

I'm not in the habit of doing their laundry. They usually do it. But to be honest, their room was such a mess that I'm not sure what's clean or dirty. So, I'm washing everything that wasn't hanging up.

They have 2 overflowing large bins of everyday shoes. There must be 50 or more pairs in each one of them. Then, aside from that, they both have 25 or so pairs of dress shoes and boots.

We're building hanging space downstairs in the rec room now to accommodate all their clothes. About 30 feet of it, altogether. What they really need is 2 giant walk in closets. Wow! These two could clothe a small country with their wardrobe.

I get it, though. They're teenagers. They're cute, young and shapely. They want nice clothes. They don't want to wear the same thing every other day. I've certainly been there. I just didn't actually have that many clothes. It was a fantasy for me. My folks had 7 kids. It just wasn't in the budget.

It's not in their budget, either. I will give them credit. I go to the mall with them and watch them find 3 and 5 dollar clothes. They'll go in with 20 or 30 bucks and come back to the car with bagfuls of deals. I'm with them. They're not shoplifting. They're good kids; better than a lot I've come across lately, for sure. They're just awesome shoppers.

I suppose some grandparents/parents would be sneaky and toss a few things while the kids are off on vacation. I talked about it but I won't do it. I just hate the idea of being such a control freak or invading their privacy. It was hard for me to even clean their room. I just think kids learn better by doing than by having things done for them.

Yes, I know. I'm doing the laundry and making their spaces respectable. But honestly, as much as I love them, that's more for me than it is for them. I hate living in a cluttered home and they seem to have inherited their Mom's messy gene. LOL

So, wish me luck, you guys. I only have about 22 loads to go.

Making homemade sidewalk chalk with the grand-kids

The grand-kids love sidewalk chalk (copyright 2014 Jaipi Sixbear)

The grand-kids and I love to spend our time doing fun, interesting and somewhat quirky crafts. One thing we like to do is make our own sidewalk chalk. It's been a long time since we did. Today, I came across this old article I wrote that includes my recipe for sidewalk chalk. I think when the grands get back from vacation, we'll do this again. Sidewalk chalk is cheap enough that it doesn't save us much money over buying it. It's just that making it is so much more fun!

How to make homemade sidewalk chalk

Who doesn't like drawing with chalk on a sidewalk? Why not learn to make homemade sidewalk chalk? Homemade sidewalk chalk can be used by children and adults alike. Children use it for hopscotch and other games. Adults make elaborate sidewalk chalk drawings at events or just scribble like kids.

It's economical
Sidewalk chalk drawings are far from permanent. The first rain washes them away. That makes it important to conserve money by making homemade sidewalk chalk. What better way to save money than to make it yourself? Granted, it doesn't save you a whole lot of money. Still, with kids, every penny counts.

The homemade factor

Fans of my writing know I'm a huge promoter of homemade things. There's just something about doing it yourself that makes life more interesting. It's also nice to know what goes into the things we use on a daily basis.

Yes you can

It really is possible to make homemade sidewalk chalk using just a few simple ingredients available at craft stores. Isn't it surprising? I know the first time I heard about it, I was skeptical. After making sidewalk chalk for myself, I wouldn't have it any other way.

Color variety

One of the best things about making sidewalk chalk at home is the variety of color combinations. All you need are primary colors to come up with endless variations. I recommend starting with just a few colors until you get the hang of things.

Supplies

• Cardboard toilet paper rolls (start saving these now)
• Masking tape
• Waxed paper or plastic wrap
• Powdered tempera paint color
• Plaster of Paris
• Small plastic containers for mixing
• Stir sticks will be needed for each color.
  

Preparing the molds

Start by preparing the toilet paper rolls to use as molds for the sidewalk chalk. Cover one end with masking tape. Stand the rolls open end up. Line them with waxed paper or plastic wrap. This is so the sidewalk chalk doesn't stick to the mold.

Mixing

Mix together 1 ½ cups of plaster of Paris and ¾ cup of water. This is the base for the homemade chalk. Use a disposable container such as an old milk carton for this job. Pour the mixed sidewalk chalk base into separate disposable containers for coloring. This is a great way to use all those containers you've been saving.

Add color

Add up to 3 tablespoons tempera paint color to each container. Colors may be combined to make interesting combinations. For instance, if making orange chalk use 2 tablespoons yellow and 1 tablespoon red. Swirled chalk is made by only partially mixing in color.

Pour into molds

Now it's time to pour the homemade sidewalk chalk mix into the molds. Fill the molds up. Tap lightly on the edge to remove air bubbles. It takes a bit of time for the sidewalk chalk to dry. Average dry time is 2-3 days. Once the chalk is dry it should slide easily from the molds.

Just add kids

The last ingredient needed is some fun loving kids. Armed with a couple pieces of homemade chalk each, this will keep them busy for hours. What if there are no sidewalks where you live? That's OK, this sidewalk chalk can be used on blackboards too.

Other uses:

• Package homemade sidewalk chalk as a gift.
• Make and donate sidewalk chalk to charities.
  

Portions of this post were previously published by this author on a closed Yahoo! property.